I just hear a song last night.
It’s kind of a rare moment, i heard it for the first time and i love that song in that instance.
It have happen before with Fall For You and Your Call from Second Hand Serenade and I Do from Rain.

Well, anyway, the song that i heard last night is Heart On My Sleeve by Michael Johns.
I dunno why, but this song reminds me of how my feelings and moods for this couple of weeks are intertwine with randomness.
Sometimes i baffled around in emptiness or sadness or just plain happy.

Lately i have halted on my reality wall of glass.
Seeing things beyond those boundary and hoping to break that wall.
But not a crack is even made.
I feel lost in my own world, alone.. a reality i must face everyday and overcome it.
Feeling like this everyday..makes me want to put a mask and hide all of my feelings behind it.

My mask is like a metamorphosis mask, it’s keep changing from transparent to opaque.
It happen a couple of time or maybe many time in one day.
It’s not that i’m trying to deceive anyone, it’s just that automatically happen.
In the end of the day, i usually unmasked my mask upon hearing her voice across the telephone.
But it’s not a comfort that i can enjoy everyday.
Sometimes a comfortable conversation can become a pain in the heart when you least expected it.

And so, back to the song that i am hearing now.
It’s not just the song and the lyric that interest me so deeply.
It’s the title that ring a bell inside my mind.
Heart on my sleeve
Actually, it comes from a longer sentences from the song, which is I wear my heart on my sleeve.
A puzzling English sentence doesn’t it?
It turns out, taken form Shakespeare quotes on Othello plays.
It means more or less like this :
I do not conceal my feelings. my emotions (usually love and devotion) are visible for all to see. The sense also includes a feeling of vulnerability. when you wear your heart on your sleeve, you risk rejection and pain.

And so, it reminds me to try more open to other, specially to the one who close to me or the one i love and care.

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Btw, this is the full lyric of the songs.

HEART ON MY SLEEVE Lyrics

You think you’ve heard this before
Well, I’ll try and say it differently
As long as it comes naturally to me
It’s been makin’ me sad
Cuz I can’t find a better way
To speak the words I wanna say to you

Oh, how I love you
Oh, how I need you
That I want you to know
Won’t let you down
No, I can’t let go
And I want you to see
Everyday I wear my heart on my sleeve
On my sleeve

It’s been drivin’ me mad
Consistent tones and constant drones
Keep pullin’ me back inside my head
Nothin’ matters at all
The world will keep on spinin’ round
All these feelings keep on pourin’ out

Oh, how I love you
Oh, how I need you
That I want you to know
Won’t let you down
No, I can’t let go
And I want you to see
Everyday I wear my heart on my sleeve

I try to write the words down
Before their lost and won’t come out
Oh, please
Love is in my soul

And I want you know
I won’t let you down
No, I can’t let go
And I want you to see
Everyday I wear my heart on my sleeve
Heart on my sleeve
Heart on my sleeve
Heart on my sleeve

No I can’t let it go
Can’t let it go
Oh, I want you to know
Won’t let you down
Everyday yeah I can’t let go
I wear my heart on my sleeve
I wear my heart on my sleeve